literature

Just the beginning...

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Zakirrah's avatar
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Literature Text

I sat there trying to calm myself down. My heartbeat hammered against my chest, my breathing erratic. I sit listening hard for any noises in the distant which would indicate someone's presence. Silence... I hear nothing and sigh. I am going to be fine I keep telling myself I am out of danger now, he has gone. I can hear dogs howling in the distance the dark clouds above me; they look down on me in anger. The wall I have my back against is cold and stiff. This place is isolated; I wonder where I am and how was I going to get home. A shiver runs up my spine as I sit there frozen to the wall. The harsh wind whipping my skin I shiver uncontrollably, I wrap  the thin layer of clothing around me wishing I had wore a coat, then again I would never have thought, not even in my worst nightmare that today would turn out like this. All of a sudden I feel a cold dirty hand around my throat. My body freezes with fear how could I have not heard him? I try to turn around and lash out struggling against the weight of this man but the force of his hand around me makes me lose conscious, I fall into the sheer blackness and let it take over.
Just the beginning...
Comments are appreciated :)
© 2012 - 2024 Zakirrah
Comments3
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RancidToxicity's avatar
I really like the beginning of this beginning. The imagery is wonderfully constructed and the character's emotions are easily understood.
Yet, I do have some suggestions:
-There are several misspellings in the story, such as 'distant' instead of 'distance' or 'conscious' instead of 'consciousness.'
-I love the way you describe the sky, but the bit that says 'they look down on me in anger' feels a little strange. Maybe you could play with the words a bit while keeping your original meaning in tact.
-Also, maybe describe what leads to the character losing consciousness. The force of the hand is one way to lead up to his airway being cut-off, but more description would work well here.

All in all it's a good concept and I hope you keep it up! (: